Sometimes You Can’t Take it Back

Whenever I blog post about something, I won’t take back what I said.  Most because of arrogant reasoning like “I want the whole world to know what you did” or “First Amendment right”.  But I just deleted a post made on my website.  It kinda falls upon the logic of “It’s the right thing to do”, but more along the lines of “Fuck man, I really shouldn’t have done that”.

I made a blog post in regards to New Year’s.  I was quite upset (and by quite upset, I was very infuriated) about what happened.  And I have one cardinal rule, “You fuck with my friends, I don’t hold back on you, I take no prisoners.”  That explains why my post was so venomous. A couple of people did get pissed at what I wrote, but it’s okay.  I think they understand why I went that far.

But thinking back on that post and the events that happened, a ten year friendship just fell apart on both sides.  And for a while, that stung me.  It really hurt.  I never showed it, but it did.

Thinking back on what I said and how I feel about my friends makes me feel like a hypocrite.  But truth be told, I’ve done some real outlandish things and people have forgiven me for it.  But nothing along those lines.

I said that I would never take back most of the things I’ve said or done because I learn from all experiences because it makes me who I am and in most cases a better person.  This is something I’d take back.  As I said, I wish the events given at the time, played out differently.

And I owe that person an apology.

Andrea, I’m sorry.  I know we apologized at MangaNEXT to each other, but I’m doing it again because I feel more remorseful than before.  We have/had a 10 year friendship invested here.  I know for fact that neither one of us can easily forgive the other for what happened, but I hope that over time, we can try to fix that.  I know it won’t be an easy task/overnight thing to do, but if we try and take our time, it will.  The guilt of the events past won’t go away.  I will carry that guilt for as long as I live as a reminder of what I’ve done.

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